Isn’t it funny how when you start paying attention to something it grows. Like when you get a new car and then you see that very same car everywhere you go. That’s what’s happening to me and the autoimmune issue.
This week I found a Facebook Group for Hashimoto’s Disease that has hundreds of followers. I have found several blogs totally dedicated to Autoimmune Diseases and recovery. One has over 90,000 followers! The information is everywhere. I just wasn’t paying attention. Autoimmune disease effects more than 50 million Americans.
The numbers are shocking. So many people are suffering from the effects of the various diseases caused as a result of compromised autoimmune systems. I had no idea I had so much company.
While searching the web for information I ran across the blog of Sarah Ballantyne, PhD - The Paleo Mom. She has just finished writing a book for people suffering from this issue called “The Paleo Approach: Reverse Autoimmune Disease and Heal Your Body.” It was released on January 28th. Pre-sales of this book were so high that it went into it’s second printing before the first books were even released, and it sits at #91 on Amazon. That’s pretty impressive. I also thought it was serendipitous that it was coming out just when I was looking for help. There are no accidents! Of course, I ordered it and have been waiting patiently for it to arrive. Today it did. It is fantastic! Over 400 pages of information filled with charts, images and diagrams thoroughly explaining every aspect of the problem, the approach for healing and how to create a lifestyle that supports a healthy life. So far I have just flipped through the pages, but I am looking forward to digging in!
My attention has shifted since my throat surgery, and I have been looking at healing in a whole new way. Now that I have faced the truth of my autoimmune disease I am ready to move forward in a way I never have before. A more Zia way! One step at a time I want to learn how it effects my body and what I can do to reverse it. It’s time. I am putting my attention on healing. Let the energy flow!
Antibodies are supposed to be the good guys. They fight off bacteria, viruses, toxins, and all kinds of bad germy things in our bodies. But some times things go haywire and they start attacking healthy tissue. That’s what happened to me. My antibodies started waging war on my thyroid.
What triggers the antibodies to go crazy is called an autoimmune response. Something is not right in my body and it creates the autoimmune reaction telling my antibodies to attack my thyroid. For years I have been treating the results, my hypothyroidism. Now I am going to start treating the cause, the autoimmune response and the inflammation it creates.
Many people suffer from this same problem and it shows up as Graves disease, MS, arthritis, skin problems, Addison’s, lupus, celiac, fibromyalgia, and more. It all begins with a wacky autoimmune system.
How to heal this autoimmune response?
Now, this is a tricky question. Depending on who you talk to or what you read, there are many different answers. The list of protocols can be a mile long. After a lot of research and conversations with my Naturopathic doc, this is how I decided to approach it. Treatment is personal and unique to every person. Autoimmune Protocol
Gluten, Dairy, Sugar, Nightshade, Free Diet
Improve Sleep
Manage and Reduce Stress
Address Emotional, Metaphysical, and Spiritual Issues
Balance Neurotransmitters with Amino Acid Protocol
This is a whole new way of living, behaving and being for me. It’s not some crazy plan for losing weight or fixing my thyroid, it is a multi-step approach to healing my body, mind and spirit. I’m sure it will evolve and change over time, but I am starting here. Taking it one step, one day at a time. The first big step was realizing the truth - it was time I start treating the cause and stop focusing on the symptoms. Let the healing begin!
Do you or someone you know suffer from an autoimmune condition? Please tell me about it. Your stories are welcome!
Enough already! Last week I had blood work done to make sure my numbers were in good range since my surgery. Bad new. My thyroid is out of whack again. For nearly thirty years I have been dealing with Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis. Foolishly I was hoping that removing the tumor from my parathyroid would straighten it all up and I would be well. No such luck.
After surgery, the doctor told me that he ran into difficulties because my thyroid was so inflamed. How could it be so inflamed. I’d been treating my Hashimoto’s with medication for all these years, but it wasn’t fixing the problem. Not at all. I asked him what happens to the inflammation when he sewed me back up. He didn’t have a response.
I had to get my mind around the real situation. Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis is an autoimmune disease that creates antibodies that attack thyroid tissue. The problem isn’t my thyroid, the problem is the autoimmune issue. I have been treating the symptom for decades, not the cause. It was a real wake-up call. It might seem like common sense, but it has taken me this long to finally get it. Hearing from the surgeon that my thyroid was severely inflamed, and knowing that when he sewed me up the inflammation was still in there, I had to face the facts. Just taking meds to balance my thyroid numbers was not going to fix what was really wrong. I had to deal with what was causing the inflammation! The autoimmune disease.
I have lots to learn, a whole new direction But I know I am sick of feeling tried, struggling with being fat and never really addressing the real issue. I am ready to try something new and it’s time I start working on healing the cause - I’ve spent way too long trying to fix the symptoms!
It makes me think that Becoming Zia is about way more than I ever expected. This may be the beginning of physical rebirth as well as the spiritual! Healing my throat may just bring about a new connection to the wholeness of my entire being. (Thanks FibroColors for the cool graphic!)
Written Monday, 1/20 at the San Francisco Airport: Wow, did the days go by fast! Seems like I just got here and now I am back at the airport ready to fly home.My feet and legs are sore from all the hills and treks and my face is sore from doing so much laughing and smiling!What a great girls weekend we had.Spending so much quality time with Elisha and Zoe was wonderful!
The smartest thing we did (thank you Elisha!) was take the Big Bus tour. If you are heading for San Fran anytime soon, I highly recommend it. The bus loads at the Embarcadero near Fisherman’s Wharf and tours the entire city. It even goes over the Golden Gate Bridge and back. Our bus had a great tour guide who never stopped talking the entire tour - and had facts about every neighborhood, including interesting stories about significant historic events and the people who lived there. We learned so much. This really helped us decide what places we wanted to go back to and explore more fully. The pass is good for 24 hours so you can hop on and off as often as you want, there are 20 bus stops throughout the city. Our guide also gave us the inside scoop on restaurants, events, and the best place to catch the trolley cars.
On Saturday, we were lucky enough to spend some time with Elisha’s friend since middle school, Heather. She is a journalist and lives in San Francisco. We went to her apartment, which was fun, being able to see inside one of the old buildings. It was very cute, and interesting, all sorts of nooks and odd areas. We spent the afternoon with her, walked across the Golden Gate Bridge at sunset, had dinner at a great little neighborhood taco place, then hung out for a couple of hours catching up at a coffee shop. It was a great time and I had the chance to ask her a bunch of questions about self-publishing. She is in the process of publishing her first book, and has been writing professionally since college. A good resource!
Tickets to Alcatraz were hard to come by and the only tickets we could get were for this morning at 9:10. We were up early and at the dock just seconds before the boat took off. This is also a must for any trip to the city. The view from the harbor is spectacular! Looking back on the city and the Golden Gate off in the distance is iconic! We heard that the sunset trip is the best, but it gets booked weeks in advance! However, this mornings trip was pretty fantastic! The sky was clear and blue, not a cloud in the sky and no fog in sight. It couldn’t have been better. The actual “rock” is a real experience. The prison and grounds is something you have to see to truly comprehend. I was surprised to learn that the families of the prison staff actually lived there and the kids were ferried back and forth to school. There is a guided audio tour that makes it easy to follow and is narrated by some of the original guards and prisoners. It was so interesting!
We ate lots of great food. Historic Joe’s in North Beach, Little Italy. Din Sum in Chinatown, at a place President Obama ate in 2012. The #1 rated fish place on Yelp called Codmother’s Fish and Chips. Plus we ate several meals at the famous Boudin’s Bakery, clam chowder in a yummy sourdough bread bowl, and some other decadent goodies. And, of course we had to have hot fudge sundaes at Ghirardelli’s Chocolate Shop.
It was a great time, memories I will cherish for life! The best Christmas present ever! Spending quality time with Elisha and Zoe was a true gift. Seeing the city through Zoe's eyes was so much fun and she is so inquisitive and curious that it really taught us all so much about the city, the people and it’s history. San Francisco is a one-of-a-kind city. If you haven’t been there you must plan a trip! If it’s been years since you visited, then include it on your travel plans soon. you'll be glad you did!
If you’ve been there, write a comment below and tell me your favorite things about San Francisco.
In this month’s Writer’s Digest in an article on self-publishing the author suggested we call ourselves “author/publishers”, instead of self-publishers. Though the terms are only slightly different, the feeling seems far different. I like it. From now on I am calling myself a author/publisher.
Of course, it seems like I am a long way from being published. And realistically I am not really an author until I get published, so I guess I’m still just a writer. But when it happens and I get through this entire process of editing and re-editing, figuring out how to do the epub formatting, book cover design, and everything else that goes along with self publishing, then I will call myself author/publisher. A girl can dream!
This week I had my book printed out so I could read it and begin the first edits. The idea of putting pencil to paper to edit appeals to me, makes it more real. When I picked up the print out I was shocked at the stack of paper. Nearly 200 pages, a big thick pile. Wow, did that feel good—to see all those words I had written on paper. I had a sense of pride and accomplishment.
The good news. This puts me one step closer to being a author/publisher. With each step I take I get closer and closer to clicking on Amazon and seeing Becoming Zia for sale. That is going to be an exciting day.
Meanwhile, I have to keep moving forward. Doing what comes next, learning about the process, building a platform (two months ago I had no idea what a platform was!), searching Elance for editors and book cover designers, investigating BookBaby and Smashwords, developing a Kickstarter campaign, etc, etc. There’s a lot more to being a author/publisher than just writing a book. I am earning that title one task at a time, and I’m on my way!!
Now that I am becoming Zia I realized that I want more adventure in my life. So, here I am at 4:48 am at the Ontario Airport ready to catch a flight to Las Vegas. No, I am not flying off for a wild weekend in Vegas. I am headed to San Francisco for an adventurous weekend with my daughter Elisha and granddaughter Zoe, via Las Vegas and a two hour layover. Interesting route, but it’s the only flight this morning.
This trip and another in March were Christmas gifts from Elisha. What a great idea for a present! I am a happy mom! Plus, she was really paying attention to me when I told her about my plan to have more adventure in 2014. That is just as meaningful as the gift, being heard and having her plan these two trips to help me achieve that goal. Awesome daughter! Adventure as a focus is a new thing for me, and I am liking it. As I sit at the airport thinking about the long weekend ahead I am filled with that excited feeling I was looking for when I wanted to live a more adventurous 2014. Anticipation and the thrill of the unknown. Free time to just enjoy life, seeing new things, exploring a fabulous city, having fun with people I really enjoy spending time with. Freedom. Yes, freedom, It is one of my core values. That is what adventure represents to me. Freedom and adventure go together like salt and pepper!
I also see it as a state of being. It’s about having that outlook on life, seeing it all as an adventure and living fully each day. It is far easier for me to see adventure as a trip, like this morning. But, what I must do is bring this feeling into everything I do, see the world with new eyes, every day. It’s a process. And it’s going great so far!
Right now, this day, Las Vegas and San Francisco, (and Elisha and Zoe) are waiting! Let the adventure begin!
The thing about becoming Zia is I can no longer ignore my truth.
It comes to my throat, I can feel it, a small ache. When it happens I know that there is something I need to pay attention to, a signal that something is a miss and I need to speak up. No more ignoring, or swallowing my feelings, instead being conscious, aware and realizing I need to speak up. Yesterday, I got that feeling in my throat. I was talking to my Mom about a family friend that had surgery this week. It was a complicated, long and very serious surgery. He had been through a bunch of other procedures and surgeries, and it was hopeful that this would be the last he would need. It was really critical. Thankfully he came through it fine. He posted a picture of himself on Facebook standing up, taking a few steps, just 12 hours after surgery. Pretty amazing since he had a huge incision. In the picture he was smiling, looking a bit shaky, but healthy. When I showed this picture to my Mom she said, “Isn’t he darling!”
Darling! the word stung, and I felt that ache in my throat. Darling? What a word to choose.
“Darling is not the word I would pick.” I said with a bit of anger, “I think courageous, brave and determined seem more appropriate.”
I tired to say it without judgement, but there was a edge. Learning to speak my feelings in an open, honest, and diplomatic way is going to take some practice. But, saying this to her, honestly speaking my feelings was new. I had been keeping quiet most of my life. Six months ago, I would have ignored it, or been pissed at her shallowness and just swallowed it, thinking what was the point of saying anything. Really, I know that sounds crazy, but it’s true. I was trained well. Ignoring and burying my feelings was my go-to position.
Sure, my Mom will soon be 94, and she sees things differently, but really, darling? I’m not sure what she meant by it, but it seemed pretty superficial and a bit inappropriate. It triggered a lifetime of feelings connected to so many situations, where she always saw the outside of a person, when my entire life I saw the inside. It was a perception and focus thing. I have always seen the person and she has always seen the persona. That trigger was a big one, one that I realize I may have over reacted to. Yet, it came for a reason, a lesson.
This perception and focus situation has been with me since childhood. As a mother, her influence over me was huge. She was always concerned about how we “looked” and what “other people” thought, but some innate part of me knew that didn’t hold value for me. I saw things in people she didn’t see, and the superficial things she saw as important, I never connected with. It was a struggle, one that I kept silent about and rarely challenged. Now I realize that I have to own that trait, that gift of seeing the real person, the whole. It is something to be proud of, not something to hide. This is a lifetime issue, a lesson I came here to learn. Because the superficial world I was raised in taught me not only to judge other people by their looks, it taught me to judge myself the same way. It taught me to discount the internal values and focus on the external, and I always fell short. Never feeling good enough, always focused on pleasing some unseen collection of “people”, but knowing in my heart what really mattered was inside. Yesterday I was given the opportunity to stand up to those beliefs and speak my truth. It stopped being about my Mom, she is certainly too old to change now, but I thank her for the lesson. It is about me, connecting with the truth I had always know, but was to afraid to own. That is what my throat is trying to teach me, and I am paying attention!
Becoming Zia, opening my mouth and letting the truth fall out.
Today I joined the High Desert Writers Club. I figured if I was going to call myself a writer, then I should hang out with other writers. On my way there I posted my status on Facebook. I was surprised and happy when I got a comment from an old high school friend Debby Graves. She and I used to write for our school newspaper. Back then we were always looking for a writing angle that would raise eyebrows and open peoples minds. It had been lots of fun for us. Today on Facebook she asked if I remembered that we used to write for the paper. When I read it I smiled, of course I did, how could I forget. As a matter of fact, just last week I had written about it in my book. Here’s a snippet.
It didn’t take me long to get ready, pack the car and get going. Once on the road I continued listening to the Carrie Diaries audio book. It was a good way to pass the time and quiet my mind. I really needed the distraction. Listening to the story of young Carrie was actually kind of fun and I fantasied about what it would be like to be young, free, and living in NYC. She was just starting her life as a writer, finding it hard to call herself one. Then, I realized that when I was seventeen I was writing too. I worked on the school newspaper, I had all through high school. Even had a weekly column called “Rapping with the Rovers.” My friend Debby and I would would go around campus asking kids the question of the week, usually something provocative. It was great! Back than I had dreamed of going to college, getting a degree in journalism and being a reporter. I laughed out loud. That hadn’t worked out, at all! Suddenly, it occurred to me that I was having a rebirth, and I could start new. Like Carrie, I could take my writing seriously and call myself a writer. Zia Poe was a writer! Again, I laughed out loud. A do-over at 58 years old. Was that possible? I didn’t have to go to college, or prove to anyone I could write, I knew I could write. After all, I did have a book nearly completed that I had shelved months ago. I also had a children’s book I’d started. Yes, I could be like Carrie, only since this was a do-over, I had lots of wisdom to bring to my new beginning. It felt exciting to think about. Writing had been my first love. I had never stopped writing, but I had just never taken it seriously. Maybe it was time. Zia Poe, the writer. Um. Now that was something to think about.
All you have to do is look at a newborn baby to understand perfection. There, in that tiny bundle, usually weighing less than 10 pounds is a perfect being. Everything functions perfectly, without any thought or concern from the baby. She isn’t thinking about being too short, or too uncoordinated, or worried about what people think of her. No, she just “is” perfection without regard to anything or anyone. Born perfect.
This morning I was thinking about that. Being born perfect. It is true, I was one of those babies. I was born perfect, a healthy, robust, bright eyed, perfect baby. Everything about me worked flawlessly without any effort on my part. I was mesmerized by my own fingers and toes, I giggled and cooed, my body processed and eliminated food, and I developed according to the charts. I was a perfect little human being.
But then, something happened as I grew. I began to forget my perfection. People in my world started saying “no!” when I explored or pushed the boundaries. Then, they started telling me how to behave and teaching me their version of right and wrong. I learned about shame, guilt, and consequences. I became attuned to living outwardly focused, fixated on others and what they thought. Little by little I forgot who I was, and became conditioned to their world and I began to see myself as flawed. By the time I was an young adult I had entirely forgotten who I really was and had already begun striving to make myself a better person. The journey of “fixing myself” began.
Today I know that beneath the craziness that was created in my life, lies that perfection. It is more than just a healthy, perfectly functioning, biological machine. My perfection is a piece of God on this planet. A unique expression of the divine. Like a snowflake, there is no other being like me. Or you! And, that divinity wants to be expressed.
This summer I learned about that. I reconnected with my perfection and my “enoughness” and saw a bigger picture. A picture of my life without needing to be fixed or changed or better in anyway. Somehow I was re-awakened to my own magnificence, the perfection at the core of my being. It had always been there, I had just abandoned it. It was like finding a buried treasure, inside. It is a glorious feeling!
Looking in the mirror this morning, I saw it again. As I looked into my eyes, there was that spark of recognition, a connection with that deeper knowing. I saw it and I felt it. It was clear to me that no matter what I looked like or who I thought I was or wasn’t, that at my core I was perfection. The rest was just a story—a big crazy story. I could buy into the story, or I could remember I was born perfect. I had the choice. Today I chose love.
Lightness in body and thought. It’s a way of being connected to spirit and living that lightness in every part of life.
This year I decided to create a theme for the year instead of making resolutions. Having a theme is more like an intention. It’s bigger and less defined and it sets a tone. For me it’s more about a feeling. I thought about what I wanted to accomplish in 2014, then I thought about how I wanted to feel. It’s the feeling we’re looking for really, not the things. So, I figured if I started with the feeling and really understood how I wanted to feel first, it would be much easier to create the life I wanted.
Lightness was the word that came to my mind. Lightness is so many way. A lighter body, releasing excess pounds. A lighter spirit, not weighed down with worry and judgement. Taking life easier, not so seriously - lightening up! Approaching each day with more spirit of adventure, seeing the beauty, being curious and light hearted. It is about ease and tranquility. Living in the gratitude of each precious moment fully present. Lightness of being in the world. Going with the flow.
Lightness of Being. Yes, it creates a feeling that I like. Just saying the words lightness of being makes me feel better, more relaxed, less stressed. More intentional. It’s a good theme for me. It sets the tone, the backdrop for what I want to manifest in 2014. The more I can connect with my lightness of being the more I am in tune with joy and peace.
Sure, I have a list of things I want to accomplish this year. That’s just the kind of person I am. But, my theme reminds me of the bigger why, makes it so much more meaningful. When I am working on the Kickstarter Campaign for my new book and I am bogged down in the technical stuff, I can remember lightness of being and it’ll bring me back to the big picture. The simplicity of being free and present in the moment and still allowing myself to do the work of my purpose. That's it!
Think about what your theme might be and post it below. I would love to hear what you come up with!
Becoming Zia . . . is an amazing process of transformation and awakening. It is exciting and challenging at the same time. The key to the whole transformation was the diagnoses of a tumor on my parathyroid gland in my throat. This tumor had been a long time coming, I just didn’t know about it. When I was diagnosed I was shocked to learn that the parathyroid was separate and had an entirely different function than the thyroid. Decades ago I had been diagnosed with Hashimoto’s disease, a disease that destroys thyroid tissue. And I had been struggling with it a lot the past six years. Now, I had a tumor on my parathyroid? Something totally separate from the other disease. What was going on! It made me start thinking. Louise Hay and her belief about creating dis-ease in our bodies came to me one morning. I also thought about the Chakra system and the 5th Chakra - the throat. It was becoming clear to me that my throat had a message for me and I hadn’t been listening. It was time I did.
I started doing research on both. In Louise Hays book You Can Heal Your Life she has a directory of problems and their emotional connection. The thyroid and parathyroid was “ability to speak up for oneself, ask for what you want, and self expression ” I looked up the 5th charka and found things about “speaking your truth”, “opening communication between the head and the heart”, and if blocked it creates problems like “stuffing feelings”, “blocked flow of energy”, “inability to speak up for yourself.” The more I read the more I understood. My throat was trying to tell me something for years and I had been ignoring it.
Most of my life I had been interested in pleasing others and being a “nice” person. I was keenly aware of others needs, and usually ignored my own. If ever I was angry, or felt mistreated, I just swallowed my anger and moved on. I ignored my needs, and pretended it was okay when I felt slighted or ignored by others. I stayed in relationships that were dysfunctional and blamed myself for not working hard enough, or for expecting too much and being too judgmental. Never realizing that I was not getting my needs met, I didn’t consider that, or even felt that mattered. For most of my life I had been turning to food to fill all these unmet needs and bury my unspoken truths. This pattern, along with bottling up all the anger, pain, and unfulfilled needs created a fat woman with major throat problems!
Another thing becoming clear was that this blockage in my throat was also stopping the flow of knowledge. The communication from my head to my heart. For years I have been working hard, studying spiritual principals, reading tons of books, taking classes and workshops. All the time gaining all sorts of knowledge that I could never put fully into action in my life. I knew it in my head, but that was a far as it went. I could talk the talk, but I had problems walking the walk. When I researched about the 5th Chakra I finally understood that I had an energy block and physical block in my throat, keeping the flow of knowledge from making the journey to my heart.
I knew I had to look at my life and make changes. There was no other choice for me. I had created a serious thyroid problem and a tumor in my throat! Thankfully, a higher power was looking out for me. When I planned the trip to New Mexico this summer I had no idea I was going to begin healing a life long pattern of ignoring my truth, but that’s what happened. I was broken open through a magical series of events and forever changed. The tumor in my throat was really a gift, a gift of awareness that is transforming my life. Although it is gone now, successfully removed in early December, I have the scar that will always be a reminder to me. It has connected me to my own wholeness. Now, learning how to speak my truth and be authentic will be an ongoing practice. And, I am up for it! That is part of growing and part of connecting with the real essence of my being, not something I manufactured hoping to make others happy or love me. It’s me, becoming Zia.
