Back in February I entered my book, Becoming Ziain a literary contest put on by the Pacific Northwest Writers Association. I did it as an act of faith in my book and to have the experience. I had to submit a one page synopsis and the first 27 pages along with a $50 entry fee. In return I was entered into the contest and would have two professional critiques. I thought that was well worth the entry fee. Having two professionals read the first couple of chapters and give me some feedback was an exciting prospect. Winning or even placing in the top eight for my category seemed like a long shot. Seriously. However, there was still a part of me that had hoped it might happen. Honestly, I had some fantasies about attending the awards banquet and having them call my name. “Winner in the memoir category, Zia Poe!”
But, that’s not going to happen. Yesterday, an email arrived titled Literary Contest News. I clicked to open it and there it was. The long list of finalists. Eight in each category. I scrolled own the list past Mainstream, Historical, Romance/Women’s Fiction, Mystery/Thriller, Science Fiction/Fantasy/Paranormal, Young Adult, Middle Grade, and finally the list of the top eight in Nonfiction/Memoir. My eyes quickly scanned the list of names. Mine was not there. I read the list again, just to make sure I didn’t miss it, but no, it wasn’t there. Damn. Even though it was not something I really expected to happen, I was still disappointed. It was the end of a fantasy. It was facing reality. It was over. Now, all I had left was the critiques. And as a consolation prize, that wasn’t feeling so good.
I was setting with my granddaughter at her school carnival when I read the email on my iPhone. She was angry, sad and upset because she hurt her foot on the day of the school carnival and her 9th birthday party. All around us kids were yelling and screaming and running around, playing all kinds of games, having fun. She was stuck sitting at a table and she wasn’t happy about it. I was keeping her company. After I read the email I looked at her. She said to me, “Im sad. I have to sit here while everyone else can play!”
I responded, “I know sweetie it’s hard. I’m sad too.”
“Because of my foot?”
“Yes, and because of the news I just read on my phone.”
“What?” she asked, suddenly interested.
“Remember that book contest I entered?” She nodded. “Well. I just found out I am not one of the finalists.”
Her face changed. I could see the compassion in her eyes. There was a transformation, she forgot about her foot and missing out on playing and she said with sincerity that nearly brought me to tears, “I’m so sorry Grammy.” Something inside her, the wiser than her age part, understood what this meant and how important it was to me. And in that instant she was there for me on a level few people have ever been.
I was moved deeply and suddenly my perspective changed. I made a pouty face and crossed my arms over my chest in an exaggerated way and said “I’m mad! It’s not fair. I wanted to be a winner!” A smile started to grow on her face and she laughed at me. Then we both laughed. Sitting there with my sweet granddaughter, who is filled with so much love and compassion brought me back to reality. Being a finalist in the literary contest was a fantasy, but this was my reality. And I couldn’t imagine anything better than this moment with her.
Yesterday, as I was standing at the sink cleaning green beans I remembered my Grandma Amy. When I was a little girl she would let me help her clean green beans. She would take the bag of beans and a big bowl and we would go on the patio and sit and snap off the ends and talk. She always listened to me and we talked like it was the most important thing she had to do all day! I remember it so vividly. Doing that with her made me feel like I was part of preparing the meal, but more importantly she made me feel special and important. She did lots of things like that. She was an awesome grandma. She holds a special place in my heart.
As I was preparing dinner for my granddaughters and family, I thought about what things they would remember doing with me. What had I taught them. How have I made them feel import and special. I wasn’t trying to be specific, it was just a thought. Because I know there are lots of things like that we share. Many things. Who knows what I’ve done with them that will stick in there minds and one day when I'm long gone something will remind them of me. Something we shared, and I will be part of that moment. It made me feel good. It’s a heart print.
A old high school friend of mine posted two pictures on Facebook this week - one of her and her grandmother at our graduation from high school. The second was a picture last weekend of her and her granddaughter at graduation. A time flash. It made me melancholy. We graduated the same year, we are now both grandmas. How did the time go by so fast? Thankfully I have a several years before my granddaughters graduate from high school. But, it was one of those moments.
Being a grandmother is a role I take on with reverence and joy. It is something I cherish and work at because of my grandmother. She showed me the power of unconditional love and that’s what I want to share with my granddaughters. I can still hear her laugh and see her sweet smile and it warms my heart, yet brings a tear to my eye. I would love to spend one more day with her.
I want to be that kind of grandma!
Funny how something as mundane as cleaning green beans can become a cherished moment!
One of the Guidelines of the Whole30 AIP Challenge is about sleep. “Focus on getting quality sleep (6-8 hours a night). That is difficult for many people. It is especially difficult during the detox stages of the AIP. Some may experiencing tossing and turing, aches and pains and restlessness. However, it is important to pay attention to your sleep patterns and actively work on creating good, healthy sleep behaviors.
Some of the things that have helped me change the way I sleep are eating healthy (not eating a few hours before bed), mild exercise and magnesium. Yes, magnesium has helped tremendously and is a simple fix. I use Natural Calm. Is comes in powder form, I mix it up in water and drink it before I got to bed. Since I started using it I feel so much better and my sleep has improved in ways I couldn’t imagine. Before starting AIP and taking Natural Calm I tossed, turned and only slept off and on, plus I had a terrible time going to sleep. Now I go to sleep quickly, sleep soundly and wake up refreshed. It’s wonderful! If you want to learn more about magnesium and sleep here is a good article “Magnesium: Meet the Most Powerful Relaxation Mineral Available.”
Another important reason to get good sleep is it helps with weight loss. People who have difficulty losing weight usually are not sleeping well. Your body needs good quality sleep to function effectively. That also goes for healing inflammation as well. It is during sleep that the body rejuvenates itself and slows down so that the healing process can do it’s thing. In an article by Heather Tick, M.D in the Well Being Journal, she discuses how sleep promotes healthy rhythms in out body. “When we are sleeping soundly, some of our biological functions align their rhythms with each other. These functions include our respiration, blood pressure, and brain wave activity. This same phenomenon happens when we are in a state of meditation, gratitude, or appreciation . . . .Scientists call this rhythmic synchrony or entrainment, and they agree it is good for your health.”
So, how do you develop good sleeping habits? Here are a few suggestions from the article in the Well Being Journal.
Adopt a regular sleep time and develop a relaxing bedtime routine.
During the hour or two before bed do not consume large quants of food or beverages, exercise vigorously, or focus on aggravating issues.
Avoid using a computer, tablets, cell phones or watching TV - these excite the brain in negative ways.
Have a comfortable mattress, pillow and bedding. (Make your bedroom a sanctuary)
Sleep primarily at night and limit day-time naps to a maximum of 30 minutes.
Sleep in total darkness or use a sleep mask.
Keep your bedroom cool.
Avoid nicotine, caffeine, alcohol and sugar. All these are stimulants.
Take sleep seriously! It is vital to your health and healing your body. Make it a priority and let people in your life know that you value your sleep and must honor it. If you are so busy that your sleep is suffering, then it’s time to take a look at your life and see what you can change.
“The best bridge between despair and hope is a good nights sleep.” ~E. Joseph Cossman
