What I Learned at the Writers Conference • Reflections

Four Days of Immersion  

It's over.  The last talk at the PNWA Writers Conference was given by Robert Dugoni, New York Times Best Selling author and a really funny, charming and inspirational guy! His talk was the perfect end to an amazing four days.

I'm sitting at a coffee shop with a iced Americana gathering my thoughts and reflecting on what I am taking away from the conference.  There is so much to sift through, but here are some of the highlights.

Waiting in line to pitch my book to an agent

I pitched my book, Becoming Zia, to four agents.  It was scary and exciting.  I practiced my pitch in the pitch practice room and at the Power Pitch Workshop so I thought I was ready.  When I sat down with the first agent I totally blew it.  She was less than impressed and basically told me to come back when I had a real pitch. Ouch! Honestly I wanted to leave the room and bail on the entire thing, but I pulled it together and decided to just be myself.  I got in line for the next agent and when my turn came I sat down and just told her about my book in my own words.  It was a completely different experience!  She was wonderful,  she liked me and my book idea. She gave me her card and asked me to send her the entire manuscript. Wow, what a rush!  I pitched four times, two agents wanted the full manuscript, and one wanted a full query letter and the first ten pages.  For my first time I am feeling quite successful! Plus the experience was priceless!  

The Memoir: Your Life, Your Story workshop with Bill Kenower was transforming.  I liked him the minute he started talking and I resonated with everything he said.  He really helped me see writing my book in a new light and the motivation behind it all.  He said one thing that put it all into perspective for me and I will use from this point forward. "Memoir is using you life to create a work of art to share what you have learned or come to understand. Writing is art! Writing is a feeling experience not a writing experience."  I just love that!  

Cherie Tucker is a grammar expert, who should be a comedian. Her workshop on How to Clean up Your Manuscript was so entertaining. She took a very dry and usually boring topic and with the help of her trusty overhead projector, turned it into a unique leaning experience.  The most important thing I learned was the rule about affect and effect.  These two words have always driven me to distraction.  The rule: affect = action, effect = results. Simple. How come I never learned this before now?  

In the Authorship as A Business workshop I finally got how to put all my interests together  in one place and use them to build a platform.  I am a multifaceted person and all of theses parts may look separate but they are each part of the whole - me! How I connect with people, what topic is important, but ultimately they are still connecting with me. All aspects of me, all my interests and pursuits. My silly black and white thinking brain always compartmentalizes everything. Thanks to this workshop I can now see the bigger picture and it shifted everything.  

The greatest part of the weekend was meeting and connecting with other writers. I  met so many interesting people and heard lots of amazing stories. I've made some lasting connections. It was enriching on a level I never expected. There is nothing like being immersed in something you love with a bunch of other people who love it too. Invigorating and inspiring.  I'm so glad I came.

Today I have a better understanding of the publishing industry and how I see myself fitting in as a writer. I learned about the process, the culture and the people. I learned about grammar,  story arcs, narrative, character development, building a scene, and structure. All of which I'm sure will make me a better writer. Plus there is much more to uncover when I read through my notes.

In four short days I have grown leaps and bounds as a writer.  I have a new outlook on my life and my future. I am deeply grateful for the experience. 

Big love,

Zia

The Rebel Rises • Writers Conference Day 3

My rebel archetype decided to make an appearance.

There is this rebel inside of me that shows up at the most unexpected moments.  She showed up today  while I was sitting in a workshop called "The First Page" at the Pacific Northwest Writers Association Writers Conference. A panel of agents sat at the front of the room.  A moderator stood with a microphone.  The moderator read random book first pages submitted by attendees in every genre. As soon as one of the agents heard something they didn't like they raised their hand.  Then critiquing began.  It was somewhere around the fifth or sixth "first page" read that my rebel started to show up.  Thoughts keep popping my head like:

"Who are these agents?"

"What ego's they have!"

"Who says they're right?"

"What . . . ?? She's totally off base!"

"This is just another example of other people judging art based on their own subjective life view and culmination of experiences."

"These people are just a cog in the machine - the corporate publishing machine."

"Fuck this!"

"The last thing I want to be is part of a corporate creativity and self-esteem killing machine that capitalizes on judging and marginalizing writers based on their own set of self imposed standards, protocols and greed.  

Oops, that rebel of mine is such a pain in the ass.  I wanted desperately to get up and leave, but I stayed.  The sane, reasonable part of me remained seated, the rebel part, on the other hand, had my mind and was running with the anti-publishing establishment crusade full-speed ahead.

That rebel, she's caused me lots of trouble over the course of my life  But this time I felt I owed her a little consideration. After the workshop I found myself a quiet place and contemplated all the information that she brought forward for me.  It took some mulling over, but a picture was starting to become clear.

Accept was is.  That's what came to me.  I have found myself in a world that was intentionally created to expose writers to the publishing world and all that represents.  It is a wonderful microcosm of the world of publishing and all it's conflicting facets.  There are the two paradigms that are facing off - traditional publishing and its long history and set of standards, and the new world of technology allowing anyone to self publish.  The clash between the old and new is obvious, yet subversive.  The old traditional way is about the path to the holy grail and finding the magic keys held by the important gatekeepers- the agents and editors.  The new self-publishing technology is available to anyone who is brave enough to conquer  the seemingly intimidating technology or is confident enough to own the title "self-published" without feeling like a loser in the "real" publishing game.  It's sort of a weird little world.

The first two days I walked around in wide-eyed amazement of this world.  As usual, I was trying to figure out how I fit into it.  And, as usual, I was having a hard time finding my place.  I still am.  Thanks to my rebel, I have decided to look at this as a intelligence and reconnaissance mission. 

Ultimately I must connect with my truth and what I am doing here in the first place.  I've written a memoir baring my soul and exposing my process of discovery and awakening and I want to share that with other people.  Why?  Because I think the message is universal and is something important to share.  Do I need an agent or editor to love it or approve of it?  I don't think so.  Do I want it out there in the world?  Yes!  So, I guess I have to figure out how I want to go about doing that.  That's why I am happy to be here.

Now my rebel, she is still feeling uneasy and cautious.  But, all she really wanted was to get my attention, and she did.

Time will tell how it all unfolds . . .

Zia

Fear, Excitement and Vulnerability • PNWA Writers Conference Day 1

Being a newbie comes along with a little anxiety.

Here I am, at my first writers conference.  The biggest hurdle was getting over thinking and calling myself a writer.  I got over that one a few months ago.  Now showing up at this conference, entering my book in the literary contest, and presenting myself as an author all seems a bit surreal, but honestly very exciting.

Being new at something, and not knowing what to expect always feels a bit scary.  I even had a hard time sleeping last night.  But once I was here my nerves settled down bit.  They even settled down more when I saw other people wandering around looking lost and confused.  The first person I talked to was a first timer as well and we managed to get lost together, creating a instant bond.

Registration was easy and well organized.  Figuring out how to attach the cord to my name tag was the biggest challenged I've faced so far.  It's two hours in and I still can't get the thing to stay together! There must be a trick to it.  If that's as hard as it gets, I'm doing great!

However, I know it's going to get harder. Part of this experience is pitching my book to agents and editors.  I am signed up for two different "pitch blocks." One on Friday afternoon, and the other Saturday morning.  I'll have three minutes to tell them about my book and answer any questions they may have.  The idea of it is part terrifying, part exciting.  What a fantastic opportunity to talk about my book, pitch to people who could actually get my book published, and gain confidence.  Yes, a mix of terror and exhilaration. Thankfully tonight there's a practice pitch session.  I'll be there pushing myself to tell my story to anyone who will listen.  Quite a big heap for a closet introvert with a social anxiety disorder!  Wish me luck!

When I think about this experience Brene Brown's TED Talk keeps coming to mind.  It's about vulnerability being our greatest fear.  That's what I am feeling.  My book Becoming Zia is a story of my life, well, at least two weeks of it and all the baggage that I accumulated until then.  It's open, raw, and very personal.  Pitching that to someone who can determine wether it has value or not is teetering  on the far edge of vulnerable. But what the hell.  I survived the experience in New Mexico and came through it with a new sense of who I am.  I've embraced an entirely new identity, and found my voice.  This should be a piece of cake.

Yum, cake.  That sounds good.  Turning to food under stress used to be how Cindy dealt with everything.  No more. You know, I think I'll go for a walk instead.  Or, even better, go introduce myself to someone and tell them about my book.

Big Love,

Zia

I Think I'm Going Crazy

Maybe it's because I've been on the elimination diet too long . . .

Forget my last post, pretend you never read it. As a matter of fact I've deleted it from my blog. I think I have been suffering under the influence of an old paradigm dressed as something that looked new.

Old DIET MENTALITY dressed-up in a pretty new outfit called AIP!

Today I realized that I've been treating my new heath journey just like I used to treat diets, but actually worse.  I have been micro-managing my food, obsessing about different nutrients and eliminating anything that remotely makes my body feel weird. Not to mention researching every aspect of AIP, histamine intolerance and all things inflammatory. At the same time starting a new website based on ending inflammation by balancing life areas.  Meanwhile I am not living balanced at all. I've been singularly focused at the exclusion of some other important aspects of my life.

Since going on the elimination AIP eating plan I have had very positive results. I feel much better, most of the symptoms I was experiencing prior to the diet are gone and I've lost nearly 60 pounds. That is all very good.  But, on the other hand, I've eliminated so many foods that it's easier to list the foods I can eat instead of those I can't.  Then I had the histamine reaction that nearly did me in, and that required I eliminate even more foods! Since that happened I've been doing still more research and found out some interesting antidotal information.  On a Facebook Low Histamine group I joined (yes there is a Facebook group for everything!) I've read a few posts of people having the same experience as me.  Here are a few.

" I never had histamine intolerance before AIP! I have come to believe that food sensitivities are aggravated by a long-term elimination/AIP diet, especially if you are eating a very limited & low carb diet. " 

"I've been slowly adding back foods because, once I went AIP, I developed worsening IBS-C, gastroparesis, new bloating, hair loss, lost too much weight... I've always had to deal with histamine intolerance, but it and other things got worse with AIP. So, I'm transitioning back to a fuller diet and hoping things calm down." 

"I'm starting to wonder if elimination diets cause more harm than good. I became histamine intolerant after going paleo and eating large amounts of paleo friendly food! And I am a firm believer in eating paleo!" 

"I'm adding back higher-histamine and non-AIP nutritious foods. If not for my body, for my soul."

 I realized my experience has been very similar.  The longer I have followed the AIP elimination diet, the more reaction problems I've been having.  Balance is necessary in all things.  Most everything I've read suggests only going on the elimination AIP diet for 30-60 days and then re-introducting foods.  Me, being an all-or-nothing kind of person, I've been following the AIP  plan for seven months.  If a little is good than a lot must be better.  Wrong! I now believe that the prolonged adherence to the elimination protocol has set into monition some very negative reactions in my body.  Eating healthy is good, over doing it, not so good.

When my "diet mentality" kicks in it takes on a life of it's own.  I become so singularly focused it becomes a bit manic.  My good judgment and sense of moderation get all screwed up and something takes me over.  It's not so pretty and makes me feel a bit crazy.  That's where I found myself today. Feeling crazy and out of alignment with my priorities, values, passions and sense of purpose.

I feel like I have to shake myself off, re-adjust my thinking and start again. How that's going to look and what I am going to do is still up in the air.  Eating healthy, eliminating inflammation. healing my gut and losing weight are still on my list of priorities.   How I go about that, I'm not sure.

What I know for sure.  What happened to me at the Ghost Ranch last year is real, significant and important.  What I learned and wrote about in Becoming Zia is a truth that I want to live and share with others.   Healing my body is an outcome of that and something I must continue to address.  But what I learned there is what's important and should be my focus.

It seems I just stumbled down an old familiar path that looked like the right direction, but now I know better.  Life is nothing if not a series of attempts at living a more fulfilled life.  Here I go again. 

In the spirit of learning and growing,

Zia