The Rebel Rises • Writers Conference Day 3

My rebel archetype decided to make an appearance.

There is this rebel inside of me that shows up at the most unexpected moments.  She showed up today  while I was sitting in a workshop called "The First Page" at the Pacific Northwest Writers Association Writers Conference. A panel of agents sat at the front of the room.  A moderator stood with a microphone.  The moderator read random book first pages submitted by attendees in every genre. As soon as one of the agents heard something they didn't like they raised their hand.  Then critiquing began.  It was somewhere around the fifth or sixth "first page" read that my rebel started to show up.  Thoughts keep popping my head like:

"Who are these agents?"

"What ego's they have!"

"Who says they're right?"

"What . . . ?? She's totally off base!"

"This is just another example of other people judging art based on their own subjective life view and culmination of experiences."

"These people are just a cog in the machine - the corporate publishing machine."

"Fuck this!"

"The last thing I want to be is part of a corporate creativity and self-esteem killing machine that capitalizes on judging and marginalizing writers based on their own set of self imposed standards, protocols and greed.  

Oops, that rebel of mine is such a pain in the ass.  I wanted desperately to get up and leave, but I stayed.  The sane, reasonable part of me remained seated, the rebel part, on the other hand, had my mind and was running with the anti-publishing establishment crusade full-speed ahead.

That rebel, she's caused me lots of trouble over the course of my life  But this time I felt I owed her a little consideration. After the workshop I found myself a quiet place and contemplated all the information that she brought forward for me.  It took some mulling over, but a picture was starting to become clear.

Accept was is.  That's what came to me.  I have found myself in a world that was intentionally created to expose writers to the publishing world and all that represents.  It is a wonderful microcosm of the world of publishing and all it's conflicting facets.  There are the two paradigms that are facing off - traditional publishing and its long history and set of standards, and the new world of technology allowing anyone to self publish.  The clash between the old and new is obvious, yet subversive.  The old traditional way is about the path to the holy grail and finding the magic keys held by the important gatekeepers- the agents and editors.  The new self-publishing technology is available to anyone who is brave enough to conquer  the seemingly intimidating technology or is confident enough to own the title "self-published" without feeling like a loser in the "real" publishing game.  It's sort of a weird little world.

The first two days I walked around in wide-eyed amazement of this world.  As usual, I was trying to figure out how I fit into it.  And, as usual, I was having a hard time finding my place.  I still am.  Thanks to my rebel, I have decided to look at this as a intelligence and reconnaissance mission. 

Ultimately I must connect with my truth and what I am doing here in the first place.  I've written a memoir baring my soul and exposing my process of discovery and awakening and I want to share that with other people.  Why?  Because I think the message is universal and is something important to share.  Do I need an agent or editor to love it or approve of it?  I don't think so.  Do I want it out there in the world?  Yes!  So, I guess I have to figure out how I want to go about doing that.  That's why I am happy to be here.

Now my rebel, she is still feeling uneasy and cautious.  But, all she really wanted was to get my attention, and she did.

Time will tell how it all unfolds . . .

Zia