Fear, Excitement and Vulnerability • PNWA Writers Conference Day 1

Being a newbie comes along with a little anxiety.

Here I am, at my first writers conference.  The biggest hurdle was getting over thinking and calling myself a writer.  I got over that one a few months ago.  Now showing up at this conference, entering my book in the literary contest, and presenting myself as an author all seems a bit surreal, but honestly very exciting.

Being new at something, and not knowing what to expect always feels a bit scary.  I even had a hard time sleeping last night.  But once I was here my nerves settled down bit.  They even settled down more when I saw other people wandering around looking lost and confused.  The first person I talked to was a first timer as well and we managed to get lost together, creating a instant bond.

Registration was easy and well organized.  Figuring out how to attach the cord to my name tag was the biggest challenged I've faced so far.  It's two hours in and I still can't get the thing to stay together! There must be a trick to it.  If that's as hard as it gets, I'm doing great!

However, I know it's going to get harder. Part of this experience is pitching my book to agents and editors.  I am signed up for two different "pitch blocks." One on Friday afternoon, and the other Saturday morning.  I'll have three minutes to tell them about my book and answer any questions they may have.  The idea of it is part terrifying, part exciting.  What a fantastic opportunity to talk about my book, pitch to people who could actually get my book published, and gain confidence.  Yes, a mix of terror and exhilaration. Thankfully tonight there's a practice pitch session.  I'll be there pushing myself to tell my story to anyone who will listen.  Quite a big heap for a closet introvert with a social anxiety disorder!  Wish me luck!

When I think about this experience Brene Brown's TED Talk keeps coming to mind.  It's about vulnerability being our greatest fear.  That's what I am feeling.  My book Becoming Zia is a story of my life, well, at least two weeks of it and all the baggage that I accumulated until then.  It's open, raw, and very personal.  Pitching that to someone who can determine wether it has value or not is teetering  on the far edge of vulnerable. But what the hell.  I survived the experience in New Mexico and came through it with a new sense of who I am.  I've embraced an entirely new identity, and found my voice.  This should be a piece of cake.

Yum, cake.  That sounds good.  Turning to food under stress used to be how Cindy dealt with everything.  No more. You know, I think I'll go for a walk instead.  Or, even better, go introduce myself to someone and tell them about my book.

Big Love,

Zia