I Think I'm Going Crazy

Maybe it's because I've been on the elimination diet too long . . .

Forget my last post, pretend you never read it. As a matter of fact I've deleted it from my blog. I think I have been suffering under the influence of an old paradigm dressed as something that looked new.

Old DIET MENTALITY dressed-up in a pretty new outfit called AIP!

Today I realized that I've been treating my new heath journey just like I used to treat diets, but actually worse.  I have been micro-managing my food, obsessing about different nutrients and eliminating anything that remotely makes my body feel weird. Not to mention researching every aspect of AIP, histamine intolerance and all things inflammatory. At the same time starting a new website based on ending inflammation by balancing life areas.  Meanwhile I am not living balanced at all. I've been singularly focused at the exclusion of some other important aspects of my life.

Since going on the elimination AIP eating plan I have had very positive results. I feel much better, most of the symptoms I was experiencing prior to the diet are gone and I've lost nearly 60 pounds. That is all very good.  But, on the other hand, I've eliminated so many foods that it's easier to list the foods I can eat instead of those I can't.  Then I had the histamine reaction that nearly did me in, and that required I eliminate even more foods! Since that happened I've been doing still more research and found out some interesting antidotal information.  On a Facebook Low Histamine group I joined (yes there is a Facebook group for everything!) I've read a few posts of people having the same experience as me.  Here are a few.

" I never had histamine intolerance before AIP! I have come to believe that food sensitivities are aggravated by a long-term elimination/AIP diet, especially if you are eating a very limited & low carb diet. " 

"I've been slowly adding back foods because, once I went AIP, I developed worsening IBS-C, gastroparesis, new bloating, hair loss, lost too much weight... I've always had to deal with histamine intolerance, but it and other things got worse with AIP. So, I'm transitioning back to a fuller diet and hoping things calm down." 

"I'm starting to wonder if elimination diets cause more harm than good. I became histamine intolerant after going paleo and eating large amounts of paleo friendly food! And I am a firm believer in eating paleo!" 

"I'm adding back higher-histamine and non-AIP nutritious foods. If not for my body, for my soul."

 I realized my experience has been very similar.  The longer I have followed the AIP elimination diet, the more reaction problems I've been having.  Balance is necessary in all things.  Most everything I've read suggests only going on the elimination AIP diet for 30-60 days and then re-introducting foods.  Me, being an all-or-nothing kind of person, I've been following the AIP  plan for seven months.  If a little is good than a lot must be better.  Wrong! I now believe that the prolonged adherence to the elimination protocol has set into monition some very negative reactions in my body.  Eating healthy is good, over doing it, not so good.

When my "diet mentality" kicks in it takes on a life of it's own.  I become so singularly focused it becomes a bit manic.  My good judgment and sense of moderation get all screwed up and something takes me over.  It's not so pretty and makes me feel a bit crazy.  That's where I found myself today. Feeling crazy and out of alignment with my priorities, values, passions and sense of purpose.

I feel like I have to shake myself off, re-adjust my thinking and start again. How that's going to look and what I am going to do is still up in the air.  Eating healthy, eliminating inflammation. healing my gut and losing weight are still on my list of priorities.   How I go about that, I'm not sure.

What I know for sure.  What happened to me at the Ghost Ranch last year is real, significant and important.  What I learned and wrote about in Becoming Zia is a truth that I want to live and share with others.   Healing my body is an outcome of that and something I must continue to address.  But what I learned there is what's important and should be my focus.

It seems I just stumbled down an old familiar path that looked like the right direction, but now I know better.  Life is nothing if not a series of attempts at living a more fulfilled life.  Here I go again. 

In the spirit of learning and growing,

Zia