Part 4: Finally Getting It - The Big Breakthrough

Honoring the Messages from my Body

Stopping the protocol seemed like a mistake, but on the other hand I knew my body was trying to tell me something.  I got out my pendulum and tested the amino acids. (Using the pendulum is similar to muscle testing and normally very accurate.)  I held each bottle in my hand and the pendulum responded negatively to each one.  I sat there at the table with the bottles in front of me wondering what to do next.  Was it possible that they had done their job and repaired the imbalance?  I wasn’t sure what to do. When I had tested them months early it responded with a quick and powerful positive response.  Either I trusted my body and the wisdom of the pendulum, or I didn’t.  After a few minutes I decided.  I was going to stop taking them and see what happened.  I emailed my doctor and told him I was stopping the protocol. Then I searched the internet for some more research on the therapy.  Just so you know, I’ve done this a lot.  When my doc first suggested it I searched the internet high and low reading everything I could find about “amino acid therapy”.  I thought I had read it all, but as the Universe would have it, on this day I found something I had never found before.  I found Julia Ross.  She is a pioneer in addiction therapy, using amino acids to repair brain imbalances.  It was one of those moments - if my life were a movie trumpets would have been playing in the background.  This day I was being led to this woman and her books, The Mood Cure and more importantly, The Diet Cure.  Again, little did I know that my decision to stop the protocol advised by my naturopath would led me to this book and the information inside that would change the course of my life.

At the book store I found The Diet Cure.  I held it in my hand, and flipped through the pages.  It opened to a page that talked about stopping the supplements - just what I wanted to know. She wrote about how the chemistry can be healed and you can go off the supplements without any side effects, but if needed you can go back on and realize the benefits within hours.  I flipped to another page that talked about the different types of amino acids and the ways they help heal different aspects of imbalance. She wrote about targeting the supplements to the specific chemical imbalances:

• Serotonin for sleep and a natural anti-depressant
• GABA a natural tranquilizer
• Catecholamines for energy and mental focus
• Endorphins the natural comfort chemical
• And glucose to keep blood levels stable.  

With her program you can target a specific problem and use the amino acid supplements to balance that unique brain deficiency.  It was an incredible resource.  I realized that my doctor was right about the amino acids, but he had been doing the shotgun approach - I’d been taking all the different types. Now I understood that it was likely I didn’t need them all and my body had been letting me know.  This new information would allow me to pin-point specific cravings and treat them individually. It was time for me to transition into a new phase of recovery.

Meanwhile I found the podcasts and started listening to Julia Ross as I took my daily walks. I was like a sponge soaking in all this new information.  Everything she was talking about made sense and it was like she was talking about my life and my addition issues.  This was information I had been waiting my entire life to hear! Now it was here. I realized that she understood this on a level far beyond my naturopath and had worked specifically with this therapy since the 80’s. She even talked about new information that has been coming out over the past few years about the addictive quality of sugar.  Finally science was confirming what many of us had known for years.  She talked about treating thousands of people and having fantastic success rates.  It was clear to me that I was ready.  This was the next step in my healing.

I’ve been processing all this new information and have come up with a few ideas.  Having identified myself as a addict for the majority of my life, it is exciting to see this in a new light.  Here is what I learned so far and how how it has played out in my life:

• I was born with a predisposition to have brain chemistry imbalance, not addiction.
• The factors of my childhood (fear, stress, isolation, abuse, etc.) kicked off the imbalance.
• Crash and starvation dieting created an environment of fight or flight, survival level metabolism issues, depleting the brain even further, causing increased cravings for carbs.
• The survival needs of the brain over shadowed my will power and the cravings for carbs and stimulants to feed the brain always won. (Again it’s about survival!)
• It was a natural progression from food, caffeine, nicotine to alcohol, then drugs, then back to food again, each feeding the neurotransmitter imbalance. 
• All the “reasons” behind eating and using were based on the need to feed the imbalance - comfort, alleviate depression, reduce stress, lessen anxiety, relax, etc.  
• It has never been about will power or my ability or inability to lose weight.
• The brain chemistry imbalance has created a environment of disease and inflammation in my body from years of using inefficient sources of fuel to feed the imbalance. (Sugar, carbs, caffeine, drugs, etc.) All it ever needed was proper amino acids.
• The twenty-first century diet - artificial additives, GMO’s, high fructose corn syrup, over processed everything, plus intentionally added addictive ingredients in foods make it difficult to stop the dysfunctional process. It creates an environment of carb addiction.
• My self confidence and esteem issues were exacerbated by my brain chemistry imbalance making if hard for me to make sound decisions that were in my best interest. A life long issue.
• I understood that the addictive behavior I started displaying at a very early age was not about some flaw in my personality, but it was a biochemical reaction within my body.  My brain chemistry was out of balance and it desperately needed to get the chemicals it required to survive.  So the cravings began.  Once I ingested something that gave the brain what it needed, I couldn’t stop! 
• The carbs, drugs, caffeine, etc. were short term solutions.  Over time they did less and less so more and more were needed.  The real imbalance was never addressed. 

Until now!  Now I have the proof - my own reaction to treatment over the past four months.  I know that the amino acid treatment works for me and real change has occurred.  The biggest and most profound change has been my feelings about myself.  No longer do I see myself as a person without willpower or control.  I understand that I have had a life long imbalance that has gone untreated.  It is not a character flaw.  It is not a lack of discipline or self control.

Now I'm ready to move into the next phase of my healing.  I can start this next phase with a better understanding of who I am and what I need to face.  I'm excited and ready.  The best part is I get to let go of all the self-blame, shame and the exhaustive searching for an answer.  At last I have it! 

This is the end of Part 4.  The final post, Part 5 is coming soon!