Overcompensating from Childhood

Clothes, Art Supplies and The Needy Inner Child

Writing about the clothes from the 70’s reminded me of a conversation I had with my brother last week.  He asked me if I remembered if he had a closet in his childhood bedroom.  I thought about it for a few minutes, tried to picture his room, but I couldn’t remember. It was strange.  Our house was very small.  Our parents had homesteaded the property in the early 50's and our Dad built the house himself. He built it from a drawing he and a friend drew on white paper, neither had construction experience or were architects, by any means. There weren’t a lot of extras, like big closets, or spacious rooms.  

Thinking about that led us to a conversation about how few clothes we had, and how little room we had to store them. We weren’t feeling sorry for ourselves, we were just looking at the facts.  Suddenly, he looked at me and said “I wonder if that is why I have so many clothes now?” We both laughed, he was right.  In his new three bedroom house in Bosie, all the closets are full of clothes - shirts, pants, shorts, suits, jackets, shoes. He even has two dressers full.  When I was helping him move I remember thinking it was crazy how many clothes he had. And he keeps buying more!

Classic overcompensation.  Totally unconscious until now. It was his way of making up for the sense of lack he felt as a kid.  I get it.  I found a way to get the clothes I wanted, I learned how to sew. Clothing wasn’t my area of lack.  I'd done the same thing in my life, but I did it with art supplies.

Yes, I was a needy little creative spirit as a kid.  I used my creativity to survive my harsh and dysfunction life.  Art saved me.  But I had to make do with what ever I could find.  I sketched on cheap lined steno-pads that I bought two for 25 cents.  I used the Sunday comics for colorful paper to make things, I used yarn and fabric scraps. I longed for colored pencils, blank sketch pads, paints, brushes, glitter, glue, etc.  No one in my family saw that I was craving these things - no art supplies at Christmas or birthdays, no art classes. It was a different time, and my parents were focused on surviving day-to-day and supplying us with the basics.

However, as an adult I started feeding my need.  My stash of art supplies grew and grew and grew.  I didn't hold back.  If I saw a new art form I wanted to try, I jumped in.  First step, buying all the supplies I needed. As long as I can remember I have had a designated “art space” and it has been filled to over flowing. Just imagine 40 years of unrestrained creative pursuits! It wasn’t until I had my Becoming Zia experience at the Painting From Your Wild Heart Retreat at the Ghost Ranch that I was finally able to see the truth.  My drive and obsession with art and art supplies was me

Just one room of my 1100 sq ft basement in Ohio!

overcompensating for the lack in my childhood.  Completely unconscious. It was me giving my art starved inner child every thing she desired.  Every whim.  The awareness was a bit shocking.  I sat with it for weeks. I questioned it, all the while the need for my old way of creating was fading.  It was a truth that I could not ignore.  As a matter of fact, I am still facing it and trying to find my creative equilibrium.

That conversation with my bother was enlightening.  I think that once you see the truth about something, you can never look at it the same way again.  I know he’ll be thinking about it the next time he sees a new shirt he likes.  Just like I’ve been doing with my art.  It forces you to get real, and ask yourself what you really want.  Time to stop overcompensating and learn what your grown-up, adult self needs.  A conscious pursuit.  

What I’ve learned - no matter how many art supplies I surround myself with, or how many pairs of shoes my brother has in his closet, that will not be enough to fill the lack we experienced as kids.  That healing comes from learning to love and accept ourselves as we are today and forgive the people who didn’t know better and were just doing the best they knew how. It’s as simple and as complicated as that.

Are you overcompensating in some area of your life?  Is there some childhood lack that you'er trying to fill?