Guitar Flashback • LOVE Is All You Need

INsPiReD Part 1

The church had big windows that looked out on a lush green garden.  It felt welcoming, friendly and peaceful.  I was so glad I came.  Music started playing.  There was a small band and a group of women singing.  It was upbeat and inspired me to start clapping, as it did most everyone.  At the end of the song the guitar player had a solo.  He was really good and was going for it, the crowd was loving it - he was in a groove. Everyone was on their feet and the place was alive with the vibration of his guitar.  Just then I had a memory . . .

It was a flashback to my old church in Ohio, many years ago.  I was thinking about a friend who was dating a guy who played guitar (and other instruments) at our church. She really loved him.  They dated for a long time.  He had this “I’m a cool musician” thing going on that I found unattractive, but she didn’t see that.  (Plus, he just wasn’t that cool.) Suddenly, at this moment in Seattle I was thinking about him, my friend and how their relationship played out.

It was a classic case of “girl likes boy, boy plays girl along until something better comes along.” That may sound mean, but that’s what it looked like from my vantage point.  I thought he was a selfish jerk, and unfortunately he proved me right.

Now this flashback isn’t sounding very inspired, especially to come out of a church service, but it really is. It’s sad, but it’s important.  My friend was diagnosed with cancer, which eventually took her life.  The guitar player didn’t stand by her like he should have.  She loved him.  She put up with a lot of crap to be with him, yet when she needed him he couldn’t be there for her.  He was a shitty guy.  She deserved better, much, much, much, much better!  Unfortunately, she died and never found the kind of love she longed for and definitely should have had.  Thankfully she was loved deeply by a wonderful group of friends and family.

The part of the flashback that inspired me was thinking about my friend.  Remembering her. Having her there with me in church.  Feeling her gentle, kind, loving spirit.  I was filled with emotion, both a feeling of great connection and a solemn sadness.  Happy that she arrived to share this moment with me, yet so sad realizing that she hadn’t believed she was worthy of the love she longed for and deserved.  It touched me in a deep way.  She was not alone.

Over the past few months (since the Becoming Zia experience) I've discovered that love is bigger than I ever imagined.  It is the stuff the universe is made of - the glue that holds us together.  Love is that connection that goes beyond words.  And, the biggest news of all is that it's been inside all along.  Looking to have the need for love filled by other people will always lead to disappointment and pain.  Love is something you bring to the table.  Love comes from an inner connection.  It’s about loving yourself FIRST!  And not in a selfish, “oh I’m so fabulous” sort of way.  No a bigger, “I am a piece of divinity having a human experience on this planet” sort of way. Recognizing that you came from it and will return to it.  That's big love! 

When I think about my friend, I think of her longing.  Longing to be loved in the way she deserved, but never finding it.  I understand that because I have lived that for most of my life.  Looking to be loved my someone, hoping that someone loving me will make me feel loved. But that hasn’t happened, not because my love picker was broken. (Well, it might be.) Because I never started from the right place.  Looking for love requires loving yourself first.  When you love and value yourself the bar gets raised.  No longer would you accept less than what you deserved.  It’s a whole new mindset. Plus, a person who is confident in their own worth, sees their own divinity and loves themselves in a holy way will be much more likely to attract someone on that same level.  It’s the law of attraction in action!

That’s what my flashback was about.  Love.  And not just an ordinary love.  Holy self love.  The kind that changes everything.  Sitting there thinking about my friend I realized that she came to remind me of something very important.  Wayne Dyer says “Don’t die with your music still in you.” I’m going to take that in a new direction, “Don’t die waiting to find the greatest love of your life.” You don’t have to look for it or wait to find it, you already have it.  Look in the mirror.

Big love,