How Editing My Book is Teaching Me About Me!

I am really writing a book!  

Yes, it's all coming together.  This week I have begun editing and it is an eye opening experience.  As most of you know I am writing a memoir about a two week period of my life this summer in New Mexico.  If not, you can click here to learn more about it.  Reading back over what I have written has been like re-living it all over again! yet, completely different.

There is magic in words, and especially in telling your own story!

It was in November that I wrote most of my book, over 60,000 words.  I had kept a detailed journal during my time in New Mexico and that helped me in the process.  Since then I have been finishing the final chapters and just recently I started my first edit from the beginning.  It has been like deja vu, but this time with more insight, plus the time away has helped me process it all on a new level.  I am amazed at the wealth of experiences and the depth of my vulnerability.  It’s like I am looking at myself from the outside and seeing into the truth of who I am.  A very weird feeling.  Sure, I have found lots of mistakes, made many corrections and have even re-written several sections, but readying the words again surprised me.  A bit mind boggling.  It’s hard to believe this is my story, but it is.

Today I edited for several hours straight and was surprised a couple times.  I began to see a pattern of behavior in my story that I hadn’t notice before and a part of me was temped to edit it away.  Then I realized it was important, it was pretty raw, and showed a lot of the insecurities I try to hide, but I knew it needed to stay.  I was seeing myself in a more honest way than I had in a long time. That’s what this book is about - rebirth and transformation.  I knew it needed to stay in the pure form that it was originally written. 

When I sat with the feelings that were evoked, I knew that I had changed. That woman I was reading about, the one with all fears, the insecurities, and the self-consciousness was Cindy -  the wounded seeker longing for connection and healing.  The story of the transformation is mine.  Reading the chapters and watching her make that transformation from Cindy to an empowered, strong and spiritual centered woman is moving.  Becoming Zia is about owning all that and more. 

Am I really ready to let perfect strangers take such an up close look into my soul? Or, family and friends for that matter. Apparently, it seems that I am.  Some part of me keeps pushing forward, knowing I want to tell this story.  It’s about possibilities, and deep truths, and a lot about self acceptance. 

Since I was a teenager I wanted to be a writer.  Deep inside, some part of me has always wanted to write a book.  How funny, I would never have imagined it would be like this. But here it is, my story of Becoming Zia must be told!