Disappointment, Reality, and the Healing Power of Love

And the winner is . . . . 

Back in February I entered my book, Becoming Zia in a literary contest put on by the Pacific Northwest Writers Association. I did it as an act of faith in my book and to have the experience.  I had to submit a one page synopsis and the first 27 pages along with a $50 entry fee. In return I was entered into the contest and would have two professional critiques.  I thought that was well worth the entry fee.  Having two professionals read the first couple of chapters and give me some feedback was an exciting prospect.  Winning or even placing in the top eight for my category seemed like a long shot. Seriously.  However, there was still a part of me that had hoped it might happen.  Honestly, I had some fantasies about attending the awards banquet and having them call my name.  “Winner in the memoir category, Zia Poe!” 

But, that’s not going to happen.  Yesterday, an email arrived titled Literary Contest News.  I clicked to open it and there it was.  The long list of finalists.  Eight in each category. I scrolled own the list past Mainstream, Historical, Romance/Women’s Fiction,  Mystery/Thriller, Science Fiction/Fantasy/Paranormal, Young Adult, Middle Grade,  and finally the list of the top eight in Nonfiction/Memoir.   My eyes quickly scanned the list of names.  Mine was not there.  I read the list again, just to make sure I didn’t miss it, but no, it wasn’t there. Damn.  Even though it was not something I really expected to happen, I was still disappointed.  It was the end of a fantasy. It was facing reality. It was over.  Now, all I had left was the critiques.  And as a consolation prize, that wasn’t feeling so good.

I was setting with my granddaughter at her school carnival when I read the email on my iPhone.  She was angry, sad and upset because she hurt her foot on the day of the school carnival and her 9th birthday party. All around us kids were yelling and screaming and running around, playing all kinds of games, having fun. She was stuck sitting at a table and she wasn’t happy about it.  I was keeping her company.  After I read the email I looked at her.  She said to me, “Im sad. I have to sit here while everyone else can play!”  

I responded, “I know sweetie it’s hard. I’m sad too.”  

“Because of my foot?” 

“Yes, and because of the news I just read on my phone.”

“What?” she asked, suddenly interested.

“Remember that book contest I entered?” She nodded. “Well. I just found out I am not one of the finalists.”

Her face changed.  I could see the compassion in her eyes.  There was a transformation, she forgot about her foot and missing out on playing and she said with sincerity that nearly brought me to tears, “I’m so sorry Grammy.” Something inside her, the wiser than her age part, understood what this meant and how important it was to me. And in that instant she was there for me on a level few people have ever been. 

I was moved deeply and suddenly my perspective changed.  I made a pouty face and crossed my arms over my chest in an exaggerated way and said “I’m mad! It’s not fair. I wanted to be a winner!” A smile started to grow on her face and she laughed at me. Then we both laughed.  Sitting there with my sweet granddaughter, who is filled with so much love and compassion brought me back to reality.  Being a finalist in the literary contest was a fantasy, but this was my reality.  And I couldn’t imagine anything better than this moment with her. 

Love heals all wounds.

Big, big love,

Cleaning Green Beans and Remembering my Grandmother

Memories And Meaning

Yesterday, as I was standing at the sink cleaning green beans I remembered my Grandma Amy.  When I was a little girl she would let me help her clean green beans.  She would take the bag of beans and a big bowl and we would go on the patio and sit and snap off the ends and talk. She always listened to me and we talked like it was the most important thing she had to do all day! I remember it so vividly.  Doing that with her made me feel like I was part of preparing the meal, but more importantly she made me feel special and important. She did lots of things like that.  She was an awesome grandma. She holds a special place in my heart.  

As I was preparing dinner for my granddaughters and family,  I thought about what things they would remember doing with me.  What had I taught them. How have I made them feel import and special.  I wasn’t trying to be specific, it was just a thought.  Because I know there are lots of things like that we share.  Many things.  Who knows what I’ve done with them that will stick in there minds and one day when I'm long gone something will remind them of me.  Something we shared, and I will be part of that moment.  It made me feel good.  It’s a heart print.

A old high school friend of mine posted two pictures on Facebook this week - one of her and her grandmother at our graduation from high school.  The second was a picture last weekend of her and her granddaughter at graduation.  A time flash. It made me melancholy.  We graduated the same year, we are now both grandmas.  How did the time go by so fast?  Thankfully I have a several years before my granddaughters graduate from high school.  But, it was one of those moments. 

Being a grandmother is a role I take on with reverence and joy.  It is something I cherish and work at because of my grandmother.  She showed me the power of unconditional love and that’s what I want to share with my granddaughters.  I can still hear her laugh and see her sweet smile and it warms my heart, yet brings a tear to my eye. I would love to spend one more day with her. 

I want to be that kind of grandma!

Funny how something as mundane as cleaning green beans can become a cherished moment!

Big love,

How Are You Sleeping?

A good night's sleep can change everything!

One of the Guidelines of the Whole30 AIP Challenge is about sleep. “Focus on getting quality sleep (6-8 hours a night).  That is difficult for many people.  It is especially difficult during the detox stages of the AIP.  Some may experiencing tossing and turing, aches and pains and restlessness.  However, it is important to pay attention to your sleep patterns and actively work on creating good, healthy sleep behaviors.  

Some of the  things that have helped me change the way I sleep are eating healthy (not eating a few hours before bed), mild exercise and magnesium. Yes, magnesium has helped tremendously and is a simple fix.  I use Natural Calm.  Is comes in powder form, I mix it up in water and drink it before I got to bed.  Since I started using it I feel so much better and my sleep has improved in ways I couldn’t imagine. Before starting AIP and taking Natural Calm I tossed, turned and only slept off and on, plus I had a terrible time going to sleep. Now I go to sleep quickly, sleep soundly and wake up refreshed.  It’s wonderful!  If you want to learn more about magnesium and sleep here is a good article “Magnesium: Meet the Most Powerful Relaxation Mineral Available.”

Another important reason to get good sleep is it helps with weight loss.  People who have difficulty losing weight usually are not sleeping well.  Your body needs good quality sleep to function effectively.  That also goes for healing inflammation as well.  It is during sleep that the body  rejuvenates itself and slows down so that the healing process can do it’s thing.  In an article by Heather Tick, M.D in the Well Being Journal, she discuses how sleep promotes healthy rhythms in out body. “When we are sleeping soundly, some of our biological functions align their rhythms with each other.  These functions include our respiration, blood pressure, and brain wave activity.  This same phenomenon  happens when we are in a state of meditation, gratitude, or appreciation . . . .Scientists call this rhythmic synchrony or entrainment, and they agree it is good for your health.” 

So, how do you develop good sleeping habits?  Here are a few suggestions from the article in the Well Being Journal.

• Adopt a regular sleep time and develop a relaxing bedtime routine.

• During the hour or two before bed do not consume large quants of food or beverages, exercise vigorously, or focus on aggravating issues.

• Avoid using a computer, tablets, cell phones or watching TV - these excite the brain in negative ways.

• Have a comfortable mattress, pillow and bedding. (Make your bedroom a sanctuary)

• Sleep primarily at night and limit day-time naps to a maximum of 30 minutes.

• Sleep in total darkness or use a sleep mask.

• Keep your bedroom cool.

• Avoid nicotine, caffeine, alcohol and sugar. All these are stimulants.

Take sleep seriously!  It is vital to your health and healing your body.  Make it a priority and let people in your life know that you value your sleep and must honor it.  If you are so busy that your sleep is suffering, then it’s time to take a look at your life and see what you can change. 

“The best bridge between despair and hope is a good nights sleep.” ~E. Joseph Cossman

What Have I Created??

Whole30 AIP Challenge June 2104

The Whole30 AIP Challenge starting June 1 has been created and announced.  There is a new Facebook Group and a blog.  Within 24 hours of the announcement over 100 people have joined!  Now, 48 hours later the total is 162 and climbing!  To say I am shocked would be an understatement!  I was hoping for 10 people.  The response has been eye opening!  There are a lot of people out there who want to feel better, reduce pain, stress and extra weight. 

Since starting my AIP journey over four months ago I can honestly say that changing what I put in my mouth has been the best medicine I have ever tried.  After decades of suffering from a disease I was ignoring, but symptoms I couldn’t ignore I had come to believe that it was just how it was going to be.  I was getting older and all the pain I was in was just part of that.  Well, let me tell you that is not true!  My body was full of inflammation and that inflammation was causing all sorts of issues, including aches, pains and dis-ease in my body!  The list of problems associates with inflammation goes on and on.  Here’s a few:

acid reflux/heartburn, acne, allergies, Alzheimer’s, arthritis, bipolar disorder, bronchitis, cancer, chronic pain, circulation issues, colitis, dementia, depression, diabetes, eczema, fibroids, fibromyalgia, gout, heart disease, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, insulin resistance, infertility, joint pain, migraines, MS, obesity, PCOS, periodontal disease, rheumatoid arthritis, sinusitis, tendonitis 

Do you have any of those listed?  

  

After changing my eating and following the autoimmune protocol food plan I feel like I am 30 again.  I have energy and stamina.  I wake up refreshed, no aches or pains.  My mind is clear, my thinking sharper and even my memory has improved. Not to mention I have lost 45 pounds and can move so much easier.  Issues with depression, self esteem and confidence have changed dramatically and life just seems easier in general.  Imagine all that from changing the way I eat!  

It is time we recognize that there is something wrong with the Standard American Diet (SAD).  Inflammation is epidemic and it all starts with the food.  Actually, that is the name of the book where the Whole30 plan comes from — It Starts with Food: Discover the Whole30 and Change Your Life in Unexpected Ways.  Food can be poison and food can be medicine, it’s just learning what to eat that creates health and eating more of it.  That’s what I have been learning for myself these last four months.  Doctors and even  some nutritionists are trained in an outdated and tainted system that is controlled mostly by pharmaceutical and food industry mega corporations that are totally profit driven. It’s time we stop listening to them!

We have to take control of our own health, start listening to our bodies and begin dealing with this epidemic of inflammation!  That is why over 150 people responded in no time at all.  They want to heal and know that it begins with the food!  As overwhelmed as I feel right now with the huge response, I am excited about the 30 day adventure that is about to begin and all the people who are going to start feeling better!  I am especially excited to be taking this adventure with my daughter and son-in-law, who have signed on and are ready to dive in!  Let the adventure begin!

If you want to find out more, check out the Facebook Group or the blog.  We’d love to have you join us!

Big Love,

Want to Get Healthy??

Join the Whole30 AIP June Challenge!

The Universe works in interesting way.  On my way to Seattle I started investigating the Whole30.  It's a program similar to what I have been doing - eating whole, healthy, lo-carb foods - a Paleo type plan to help heal the inflammation in my body.  My daughter and her husband want to change the way they eat and we were planning on doing something together while I am visiting.  So I was searching for something that would work in their life.  The Whole30 Autoimmune Protocol seemed like a good fit. 

My daughter called me while I was on a layover in San Jose.  I asked what she was doing, and she said, "Have you ever heard of the Whole30 program?  I'm looking at it on line."  I laughed.  I was also sitting there looking at their website on my laptop. Synchronicity for sure! Yes, it was meant to be. So that was the beginning . . . .

Together we have decided to take the Whole30 challenge and begin the program on June 1, 2014. We are going to follow the the program for the 30 days of June. But, we are taking it a step further.  We are starting a Facebook Group and Blog to include as many people who want to participate.  Everything is easier in a group!  Plus the more support we can get the better it is for everyone!

If you want to feel better and start healing your body you can join us.  To find out more about the program read the GUIDELINES.  If you want to participate you can join the Facebook Group and/or follow the Blog. If you have any questions, feel free to comment below or email me.

Lets get healthy together!!

Big love,

Airport Reflections - People Pleasing, Fear & Empowerment

Waiting for Flight 756

On the way to the airport this morning I had an idea.  It came as a flash.  I love when that happens.  I

knew that I had to write it down so I wouldn't forget.  Once I got through security and found a quiet place in the airport I pulled my journal out of my carry-on and flipped through looking for a blank page.  It flipped open to a page that grabbed my attention.  It was a page I had written at the Ghost Ranch last September when I was there at the Painting From the Wild Heart Retreat.  I read it.  It halted my pursuit of a blank page.  I read it again.  I thought I would share it with you.

"Painting this afternoon was hard because I allowed myself to feel feelings as I painted -- things have become clear -- processing of all the parts of my life begin making more sense and I can begin to see why it has all happened.  The truth has been made clear.  Fear has run my life and people pleasing has been my security blanket (that and care taking). I see now that my greatest fear has been my own gifts --and opening myself to the power they create in me.  When I fully own them nothing can stand in my way.  Over the last few days I have met women who struck out on their own, started their own businesses and others that live alone, love it and thrive.  I have nothing to fear.  What I do have is more letting go to do.  But that will come. . . . "

It brought me back to that time.  My experience of transformation.  The phrase that really struck me was "Fear has run my life, and people pleasing has been my security blanket . ." When I finally got that people pleasing and having people like me was the way I learned to be loved it was a profound opening.  That was something I was taught as a child, I learned that my value was based on taking care of people and being outwardly focused - assuming that would bring me love. I clung onto people pleasing even though I never really got what I needed.  It was all I knew.  Until then . .  that week in the desert when things all started to get clear with brushes and paint.  A very magical process.

It was a shift.  Suddenly I could think about owning my gifts and "opening myself to the power they create in me." It was nothing to fear. Owning the power of my gifts is empowering and brings with it a sense of peace that I have never allowed myself to feel before.  It is about acceptance, not some ego pursuit. It's about leaning into them and embracing them with my heart. 

As I read that today I realized how big this transformation has been. How differently I feel today than I did nearly nine months ago. It was opening and allowing a new way of envisioning myself and since then it has been the unfolding.  The Becoming Zia unfolding.  It nearly brought tears to my eyes as I recognized the growth and change I have experienced.   There are times in life when personal growth seems to take forever, and others (like my experience at the Ghost Ranch) that seem to jettison you forward at light speed.  I'm still trying to catch up!

Reading this today strengthens my resolve about continuing the publishing process of my book, Becoming Zia and the greater message it has to teach.  What happened to me, is happening to everyone.  It is the journey of opening to our true selves, however that plays out.  It is recognizing the importance of letting go of what doesn't work and connecting with the gifts that make each of us unique.  Just thinking about it fills me with excitement, hope, and enormous love.  It is filling my heart as I write this.  Today I feel blessed.

Now, what was that I wanted to write down . . . . 

Big, big, big love . . . 

Day 120 Check-In

January 2014                                  May 2014                  

Celebrating Four Months of Healing!

Here it is - the 120 day milestone!  Four months of following the Autoimmune and Amino Acid Protocols.  What a learning curve it has been.  I’ve begun to really understand my disease and how to heal myself and everyday I am learning more. The good news:

• I feel like a new person, no aches, pains, weird symptoms or extreme moods.
• I’ve lost 45 pounds!  Yipee (All my clothes are getting loose.)
• I have lots of energy.
• I feel comfortable in my own skin (a blessing and miracle!)
• My sleep has improved dramatically!
• My self-esteem and confidence has increased in ways I never imagined.
• I’ve lost cravings for sweets, etc., and have no interest in overeating.
• Exercise (moving my body) is so much easier and feels natural.
• I am beginning to listen and understand the messages and signals from my body.
• The “monkey mind” crazy thinking processes ended and I have a sense of peace.
• My mind is sound and I have clarity in ways I never imagined.
• My digestion is completely normal - no more constipation, bloating, gas, heartburn, etc.
• I have a sense of spiritual connection that comes with ease.

For nearly 30 years I have been struggling with this disease and I think that I now have the tools I need to put it in to remission.  At last, I finally understand it.  For so many years I felt like I was chasing my tail, going from doctor to doctor looking for an answer to why I never felt right and looking for a solution to ease all the crazy symptoms.  I remember one time waiting for eight months to see a endocrinology specialist at the Cleveland Clinic who saw me for about 5 minutes, wrote a prescription and said, “Come back in a year.”  UGHHH!!!  Just one of a long line of doctors who never could put it together and see that it was the autoimmune onset that was responsible for the waterfall of issues.  None of them ever taking the time to discover the real issue, what was happening in my body that created an environment that set up the autoimmune response.  That’s a puzzle that I am solving piece by piece. There is no doctor out there who can do this for me, no doctor that cares about my recovery more than I do! Thankfully I have found a couple of good ones that have helped me in the past year.  It is a complex issue, not one that many doctors have the patience or time to deal with.

These months have been so rewarding and enlightening.  As I move forward into what I am calling, “Phase II” of of this process I have a better understanding of what I need and the areas I need to focus my energies.  My Phase II plan includes the following components:

1. Continue Healing Autoimmune Disease (AIP)

2. Balancing Brain Chemistry

3. Connecting with Body Wisdom

4. “Yoga of Being” Spiritual Philosophy

5. Simple Living - Downsizing and Living More Fully with Less

6. Speak and Live My Truth - Becoming Zia

Healing my body and putting the autoimmune disease in remission takes a whole life approach for me.  It is more than diet, exercise and taking thyroid meds.  It is a physical, metaphysical, and spiritual issue that requires I approach my life in a different way.  Today I feel better able to address it in those ways.  Yes, four months has made a significant difference physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually, I can hardly wait to see what lies ahead!  The gift of the parathyroid tumor is at the core of this transformation.  It goes to show that sometimes the greatest gifts come from unexpected and seemingly negative situations.

“Do not reject a gift because you do not like the wrapping.” ~ Amrit Desai

Transformation

The picture on the left was taken in San Francisco on vacation in January 2014.  I felt terrible and found it really painful to walk, but it didn't stop me from eating sourdough bread morning noon and night!  The picture on the right was taken yesterday (May 20, 2014) in the dressing room of Lane Bryant's while I was trying on new clothes, two sizes smaller.  I still have a long way to go, but it feels great to be shrinking.  It feels even better to be pain free, happy, have tons of energy, and finally be comfortable in my own skin!

January 2014                                          May 2014

Thanks for your support and interest in my process.  

Big Love,