What I Learned at the Writers Conference • Reflections

Four Days of Immersion  

It's over.  The last talk at the PNWA Writers Conference was given by Robert Dugoni, New York Times Best Selling author and a really funny, charming and inspirational guy! His talk was the perfect end to an amazing four days.

I'm sitting at a coffee shop with a iced Americana gathering my thoughts and reflecting on what I am taking away from the conference.  There is so much to sift through, but here are some of the highlights.

Waiting in line to pitch my book to an agent

I pitched my book, Becoming Zia, to four agents.  It was scary and exciting.  I practiced my pitch in the pitch practice room and at the Power Pitch Workshop so I thought I was ready.  When I sat down with the first agent I totally blew it.  She was less than impressed and basically told me to come back when I had a real pitch. Ouch! Honestly I wanted to leave the room and bail on the entire thing, but I pulled it together and decided to just be myself.  I got in line for the next agent and when my turn came I sat down and just told her about my book in my own words.  It was a completely different experience!  She was wonderful,  she liked me and my book idea. She gave me her card and asked me to send her the entire manuscript. Wow, what a rush!  I pitched four times, two agents wanted the full manuscript, and one wanted a full query letter and the first ten pages.  For my first time I am feeling quite successful! Plus the experience was priceless!  

The Memoir: Your Life, Your Story workshop with Bill Kenower was transforming.  I liked him the minute he started talking and I resonated with everything he said.  He really helped me see writing my book in a new light and the motivation behind it all.  He said one thing that put it all into perspective for me and I will use from this point forward. "Memoir is using you life to create a work of art to share what you have learned or come to understand. Writing is art! Writing is a feeling experience not a writing experience."  I just love that!  

Cherie Tucker is a grammar expert, who should be a comedian. Her workshop on How to Clean up Your Manuscript was so entertaining. She took a very dry and usually boring topic and with the help of her trusty overhead projector, turned it into a unique leaning experience.  The most important thing I learned was the rule about affect and effect.  These two words have always driven me to distraction.  The rule: affect = action, effect = results. Simple. How come I never learned this before now?  

In the Authorship as A Business workshop I finally got how to put all my interests together  in one place and use them to build a platform.  I am a multifaceted person and all of theses parts may look separate but they are each part of the whole - me! How I connect with people, what topic is important, but ultimately they are still connecting with me. All aspects of me, all my interests and pursuits. My silly black and white thinking brain always compartmentalizes everything. Thanks to this workshop I can now see the bigger picture and it shifted everything.  

The greatest part of the weekend was meeting and connecting with other writers. I  met so many interesting people and heard lots of amazing stories. I've made some lasting connections. It was enriching on a level I never expected. There is nothing like being immersed in something you love with a bunch of other people who love it too. Invigorating and inspiring.  I'm so glad I came.

Today I have a better understanding of the publishing industry and how I see myself fitting in as a writer. I learned about the process, the culture and the people. I learned about grammar,  story arcs, narrative, character development, building a scene, and structure. All of which I'm sure will make me a better writer. Plus there is much more to uncover when I read through my notes.

In four short days I have grown leaps and bounds as a writer.  I have a new outlook on my life and my future. I am deeply grateful for the experience. 

Big love,

Zia

The Rebel Rises • Writers Conference Day 3

My rebel archetype decided to make an appearance.

There is this rebel inside of me that shows up at the most unexpected moments.  She showed up today  while I was sitting in a workshop called "The First Page" at the Pacific Northwest Writers Association Writers Conference. A panel of agents sat at the front of the room.  A moderator stood with a microphone.  The moderator read random book first pages submitted by attendees in every genre. As soon as one of the agents heard something they didn't like they raised their hand.  Then critiquing began.  It was somewhere around the fifth or sixth "first page" read that my rebel started to show up.  Thoughts keep popping my head like:

"Who are these agents?"

"What ego's they have!"

"Who says they're right?"

"What . . . ?? She's totally off base!"

"This is just another example of other people judging art based on their own subjective life view and culmination of experiences."

"These people are just a cog in the machine - the corporate publishing machine."

"Fuck this!"

"The last thing I want to be is part of a corporate creativity and self-esteem killing machine that capitalizes on judging and marginalizing writers based on their own set of self imposed standards, protocols and greed.  

Oops, that rebel of mine is such a pain in the ass.  I wanted desperately to get up and leave, but I stayed.  The sane, reasonable part of me remained seated, the rebel part, on the other hand, had my mind and was running with the anti-publishing establishment crusade full-speed ahead.

That rebel, she's caused me lots of trouble over the course of my life  But this time I felt I owed her a little consideration. After the workshop I found myself a quiet place and contemplated all the information that she brought forward for me.  It took some mulling over, but a picture was starting to become clear.

Accept was is.  That's what came to me.  I have found myself in a world that was intentionally created to expose writers to the publishing world and all that represents.  It is a wonderful microcosm of the world of publishing and all it's conflicting facets.  There are the two paradigms that are facing off - traditional publishing and its long history and set of standards, and the new world of technology allowing anyone to self publish.  The clash between the old and new is obvious, yet subversive.  The old traditional way is about the path to the holy grail and finding the magic keys held by the important gatekeepers- the agents and editors.  The new self-publishing technology is available to anyone who is brave enough to conquer  the seemingly intimidating technology or is confident enough to own the title "self-published" without feeling like a loser in the "real" publishing game.  It's sort of a weird little world.

The first two days I walked around in wide-eyed amazement of this world.  As usual, I was trying to figure out how I fit into it.  And, as usual, I was having a hard time finding my place.  I still am.  Thanks to my rebel, I have decided to look at this as a intelligence and reconnaissance mission. 

Ultimately I must connect with my truth and what I am doing here in the first place.  I've written a memoir baring my soul and exposing my process of discovery and awakening and I want to share that with other people.  Why?  Because I think the message is universal and is something important to share.  Do I need an agent or editor to love it or approve of it?  I don't think so.  Do I want it out there in the world?  Yes!  So, I guess I have to figure out how I want to go about doing that.  That's why I am happy to be here.

Now my rebel, she is still feeling uneasy and cautious.  But, all she really wanted was to get my attention, and she did.

Time will tell how it all unfolds . . .

Zia

Fear, Excitement and Vulnerability • PNWA Writers Conference Day 1

Being a newbie comes along with a little anxiety.

Here I am, at my first writers conference.  The biggest hurdle was getting over thinking and calling myself a writer.  I got over that one a few months ago.  Now showing up at this conference, entering my book in the literary contest, and presenting myself as an author all seems a bit surreal, but honestly very exciting.

Being new at something, and not knowing what to expect always feels a bit scary.  I even had a hard time sleeping last night.  But once I was here my nerves settled down bit.  They even settled down more when I saw other people wandering around looking lost and confused.  The first person I talked to was a first timer as well and we managed to get lost together, creating a instant bond.

Registration was easy and well organized.  Figuring out how to attach the cord to my name tag was the biggest challenged I've faced so far.  It's two hours in and I still can't get the thing to stay together! There must be a trick to it.  If that's as hard as it gets, I'm doing great!

However, I know it's going to get harder. Part of this experience is pitching my book to agents and editors.  I am signed up for two different "pitch blocks." One on Friday afternoon, and the other Saturday morning.  I'll have three minutes to tell them about my book and answer any questions they may have.  The idea of it is part terrifying, part exciting.  What a fantastic opportunity to talk about my book, pitch to people who could actually get my book published, and gain confidence.  Yes, a mix of terror and exhilaration. Thankfully tonight there's a practice pitch session.  I'll be there pushing myself to tell my story to anyone who will listen.  Quite a big heap for a closet introvert with a social anxiety disorder!  Wish me luck!

When I think about this experience Brene Brown's TED Talk keeps coming to mind.  It's about vulnerability being our greatest fear.  That's what I am feeling.  My book Becoming Zia is a story of my life, well, at least two weeks of it and all the baggage that I accumulated until then.  It's open, raw, and very personal.  Pitching that to someone who can determine wether it has value or not is teetering  on the far edge of vulnerable. But what the hell.  I survived the experience in New Mexico and came through it with a new sense of who I am.  I've embraced an entirely new identity, and found my voice.  This should be a piece of cake.

Yum, cake.  That sounds good.  Turning to food under stress used to be how Cindy dealt with everything.  No more. You know, I think I'll go for a walk instead.  Or, even better, go introduce myself to someone and tell them about my book.

Big Love,

Zia

I Think I'm Going Crazy

Maybe it's because I've been on the elimination diet too long . . .

Forget my last post, pretend you never read it. As a matter of fact I've deleted it from my blog. I think I have been suffering under the influence of an old paradigm dressed as something that looked new.

Old DIET MENTALITY dressed-up in a pretty new outfit called AIP!

Today I realized that I've been treating my new heath journey just like I used to treat diets, but actually worse.  I have been micro-managing my food, obsessing about different nutrients and eliminating anything that remotely makes my body feel weird. Not to mention researching every aspect of AIP, histamine intolerance and all things inflammatory. At the same time starting a new website based on ending inflammation by balancing life areas.  Meanwhile I am not living balanced at all. I've been singularly focused at the exclusion of some other important aspects of my life.

Since going on the elimination AIP eating plan I have had very positive results. I feel much better, most of the symptoms I was experiencing prior to the diet are gone and I've lost nearly 60 pounds. That is all very good.  But, on the other hand, I've eliminated so many foods that it's easier to list the foods I can eat instead of those I can't.  Then I had the histamine reaction that nearly did me in, and that required I eliminate even more foods! Since that happened I've been doing still more research and found out some interesting antidotal information.  On a Facebook Low Histamine group I joined (yes there is a Facebook group for everything!) I've read a few posts of people having the same experience as me.  Here are a few.

" I never had histamine intolerance before AIP! I have come to believe that food sensitivities are aggravated by a long-term elimination/AIP diet, especially if you are eating a very limited & low carb diet. " 

"I've been slowly adding back foods because, once I went AIP, I developed worsening IBS-C, gastroparesis, new bloating, hair loss, lost too much weight... I've always had to deal with histamine intolerance, but it and other things got worse with AIP. So, I'm transitioning back to a fuller diet and hoping things calm down." 

"I'm starting to wonder if elimination diets cause more harm than good. I became histamine intolerant after going paleo and eating large amounts of paleo friendly food! And I am a firm believer in eating paleo!" 

"I'm adding back higher-histamine and non-AIP nutritious foods. If not for my body, for my soul."

 I realized my experience has been very similar.  The longer I have followed the AIP elimination diet, the more reaction problems I've been having.  Balance is necessary in all things.  Most everything I've read suggests only going on the elimination AIP diet for 30-60 days and then re-introducting foods.  Me, being an all-or-nothing kind of person, I've been following the AIP  plan for seven months.  If a little is good than a lot must be better.  Wrong! I now believe that the prolonged adherence to the elimination protocol has set into monition some very negative reactions in my body.  Eating healthy is good, over doing it, not so good.

When my "diet mentality" kicks in it takes on a life of it's own.  I become so singularly focused it becomes a bit manic.  My good judgment and sense of moderation get all screwed up and something takes me over.  It's not so pretty and makes me feel a bit crazy.  That's where I found myself today. Feeling crazy and out of alignment with my priorities, values, passions and sense of purpose.

I feel like I have to shake myself off, re-adjust my thinking and start again. How that's going to look and what I am going to do is still up in the air.  Eating healthy, eliminating inflammation. healing my gut and losing weight are still on my list of priorities.   How I go about that, I'm not sure.

What I know for sure.  What happened to me at the Ghost Ranch last year is real, significant and important.  What I learned and wrote about in Becoming Zia is a truth that I want to live and share with others.   Healing my body is an outcome of that and something I must continue to address.  But what I learned there is what's important and should be my focus.

It seems I just stumbled down an old familiar path that looked like the right direction, but now I know better.  Life is nothing if not a series of attempts at living a more fulfilled life.  Here I go again. 

In the spirit of learning and growing,

Zia 

Disappointment, Reality, and the Healing Power of Love

And the winner is . . . . 

Back in February I entered my book, Becoming Zia in a literary contest put on by the Pacific Northwest Writers Association. I did it as an act of faith in my book and to have the experience.  I had to submit a one page synopsis and the first 27 pages along with a $50 entry fee. In return I was entered into the contest and would have two professional critiques.  I thought that was well worth the entry fee.  Having two professionals read the first couple of chapters and give me some feedback was an exciting prospect.  Winning or even placing in the top eight for my category seemed like a long shot. Seriously.  However, there was still a part of me that had hoped it might happen.  Honestly, I had some fantasies about attending the awards banquet and having them call my name.  “Winner in the memoir category, Zia Poe!” 

But, that’s not going to happen.  Yesterday, an email arrived titled Literary Contest News.  I clicked to open it and there it was.  The long list of finalists.  Eight in each category. I scrolled own the list past Mainstream, Historical, Romance/Women’s Fiction,  Mystery/Thriller, Science Fiction/Fantasy/Paranormal, Young Adult, Middle Grade,  and finally the list of the top eight in Nonfiction/Memoir.   My eyes quickly scanned the list of names.  Mine was not there.  I read the list again, just to make sure I didn’t miss it, but no, it wasn’t there. Damn.  Even though it was not something I really expected to happen, I was still disappointed.  It was the end of a fantasy. It was facing reality. It was over.  Now, all I had left was the critiques.  And as a consolation prize, that wasn’t feeling so good.

I was setting with my granddaughter at her school carnival when I read the email on my iPhone.  She was angry, sad and upset because she hurt her foot on the day of the school carnival and her 9th birthday party. All around us kids were yelling and screaming and running around, playing all kinds of games, having fun. She was stuck sitting at a table and she wasn’t happy about it.  I was keeping her company.  After I read the email I looked at her.  She said to me, “Im sad. I have to sit here while everyone else can play!”  

I responded, “I know sweetie it’s hard. I’m sad too.”  

“Because of my foot?” 

“Yes, and because of the news I just read on my phone.”

“What?” she asked, suddenly interested.

“Remember that book contest I entered?” She nodded. “Well. I just found out I am not one of the finalists.”

Her face changed.  I could see the compassion in her eyes.  There was a transformation, she forgot about her foot and missing out on playing and she said with sincerity that nearly brought me to tears, “I’m so sorry Grammy.” Something inside her, the wiser than her age part, understood what this meant and how important it was to me. And in that instant she was there for me on a level few people have ever been. 

I was moved deeply and suddenly my perspective changed.  I made a pouty face and crossed my arms over my chest in an exaggerated way and said “I’m mad! It’s not fair. I wanted to be a winner!” A smile started to grow on her face and she laughed at me. Then we both laughed.  Sitting there with my sweet granddaughter, who is filled with so much love and compassion brought me back to reality.  Being a finalist in the literary contest was a fantasy, but this was my reality.  And I couldn’t imagine anything better than this moment with her. 

Love heals all wounds.

Big, big love,

Cleaning Green Beans and Remembering my Grandmother

Memories And Meaning

Yesterday, as I was standing at the sink cleaning green beans I remembered my Grandma Amy.  When I was a little girl she would let me help her clean green beans.  She would take the bag of beans and a big bowl and we would go on the patio and sit and snap off the ends and talk. She always listened to me and we talked like it was the most important thing she had to do all day! I remember it so vividly.  Doing that with her made me feel like I was part of preparing the meal, but more importantly she made me feel special and important. She did lots of things like that.  She was an awesome grandma. She holds a special place in my heart.  

As I was preparing dinner for my granddaughters and family,  I thought about what things they would remember doing with me.  What had I taught them. How have I made them feel import and special.  I wasn’t trying to be specific, it was just a thought.  Because I know there are lots of things like that we share.  Many things.  Who knows what I’ve done with them that will stick in there minds and one day when I'm long gone something will remind them of me.  Something we shared, and I will be part of that moment.  It made me feel good.  It’s a heart print.

A old high school friend of mine posted two pictures on Facebook this week - one of her and her grandmother at our graduation from high school.  The second was a picture last weekend of her and her granddaughter at graduation.  A time flash. It made me melancholy.  We graduated the same year, we are now both grandmas.  How did the time go by so fast?  Thankfully I have a several years before my granddaughters graduate from high school.  But, it was one of those moments. 

Being a grandmother is a role I take on with reverence and joy.  It is something I cherish and work at because of my grandmother.  She showed me the power of unconditional love and that’s what I want to share with my granddaughters.  I can still hear her laugh and see her sweet smile and it warms my heart, yet brings a tear to my eye. I would love to spend one more day with her. 

I want to be that kind of grandma!

Funny how something as mundane as cleaning green beans can become a cherished moment!

Big love,

How Are You Sleeping?

A good night's sleep can change everything!

One of the Guidelines of the Whole30 AIP Challenge is about sleep. “Focus on getting quality sleep (6-8 hours a night).  That is difficult for many people.  It is especially difficult during the detox stages of the AIP.  Some may experiencing tossing and turing, aches and pains and restlessness.  However, it is important to pay attention to your sleep patterns and actively work on creating good, healthy sleep behaviors.  

Some of the  things that have helped me change the way I sleep are eating healthy (not eating a few hours before bed), mild exercise and magnesium. Yes, magnesium has helped tremendously and is a simple fix.  I use Natural Calm.  Is comes in powder form, I mix it up in water and drink it before I got to bed.  Since I started using it I feel so much better and my sleep has improved in ways I couldn’t imagine. Before starting AIP and taking Natural Calm I tossed, turned and only slept off and on, plus I had a terrible time going to sleep. Now I go to sleep quickly, sleep soundly and wake up refreshed.  It’s wonderful!  If you want to learn more about magnesium and sleep here is a good article “Magnesium: Meet the Most Powerful Relaxation Mineral Available.”

Another important reason to get good sleep is it helps with weight loss.  People who have difficulty losing weight usually are not sleeping well.  Your body needs good quality sleep to function effectively.  That also goes for healing inflammation as well.  It is during sleep that the body  rejuvenates itself and slows down so that the healing process can do it’s thing.  In an article by Heather Tick, M.D in the Well Being Journal, she discuses how sleep promotes healthy rhythms in out body. “When we are sleeping soundly, some of our biological functions align their rhythms with each other.  These functions include our respiration, blood pressure, and brain wave activity.  This same phenomenon  happens when we are in a state of meditation, gratitude, or appreciation . . . .Scientists call this rhythmic synchrony or entrainment, and they agree it is good for your health.” 

So, how do you develop good sleeping habits?  Here are a few suggestions from the article in the Well Being Journal.

• Adopt a regular sleep time and develop a relaxing bedtime routine.

• During the hour or two before bed do not consume large quants of food or beverages, exercise vigorously, or focus on aggravating issues.

• Avoid using a computer, tablets, cell phones or watching TV - these excite the brain in negative ways.

• Have a comfortable mattress, pillow and bedding. (Make your bedroom a sanctuary)

• Sleep primarily at night and limit day-time naps to a maximum of 30 minutes.

• Sleep in total darkness or use a sleep mask.

• Keep your bedroom cool.

• Avoid nicotine, caffeine, alcohol and sugar. All these are stimulants.

Take sleep seriously!  It is vital to your health and healing your body.  Make it a priority and let people in your life know that you value your sleep and must honor it.  If you are so busy that your sleep is suffering, then it’s time to take a look at your life and see what you can change. 

“The best bridge between despair and hope is a good nights sleep.” ~E. Joseph Cossman